"I went for high-tea with my girlfriends!”

“I did Pilates when my little one took her morning nap."

“I've been binge-watching Korean dramas!”

Just imagining what my "tai tai" life was going to look like during my four months of maternity leave put a smile on my face. It was 2012 and I was having my first child.

I was also taking cues from my girlfriends who had become mothers before me. In hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have taken it all at face value.

At 32 years old, I was ready to fulfil my calling as a mother. As a first-time mum, I looked forward to bonding with my firstborn, witnessing his every milestone and simply enjoying motherhood.

However, when he was finally born, things did not start off well. I suffered a mild bout of postnatal depression.

As a new mother, I was overwhelmed and physically and emotionally drained. Where was the me-time (and high-tea time) my girlfriends had mentioned having? I didn’t have the time and mental space to even consider doing those things!

With my depression, I was full of anxiety whenever I was not near or attending to my baby.

I remembered that I would take very quick showers and gobbled up my food as quickly as I could at every single meal. I was long overdue for a haircut and facial.

I also really missed my daily evening runs, meeting with my girlfriends or just catching a movie in a cinema.

But whenever I thought about doing these things, I would have a lingering sense of guilt that I wanted to “enjoy these unwinding activities”.

Wasn't self-care for a mum undeserved and selfish? Any sort of me-time felt like a luxury. My priority now was to overcome all the challenges a new mother faced and strive to be the best mum!

It was only months down the road, with the support of my husband and mother, that I started to see the light.

The postnatal depression was fading and I could enjoy motherhood more. It brought me joy to see my baby thriving and growing well, as he turned into a cooing and gurgling little boy with the cutest chuckles.

I also began to pay more attention to myself again.

I still had weight to lose from the pregnancy and my hair definitely needed a cut after four months of going without. I wore shabby clothes most of the time and my husband jokingly said one day that I looked like a "huang lian po", which is a way of saying "dishevelled aunty" in Mandarin.

That statement, though said with affection, was a wake-up call for me. I realised how much I had neglected myself since I had given birth. It was time to take care of myself again!

I didn't have an extensive self-care plan, but I took small steps, planning for my once-a-week evening run and monthly facial treatments.

Then I started being more intentional with my social life, spending some face-to-face time with my friends over coffee, and eventually progressed to my first night out with the girls!

Looking back, the most important change was to be conscious of my needs and then committing to take active steps to take care of myself.

Someone once said to me: “If you don’t take enough care of yourself, you won’t be in the place to care for others or give to your loved ones."

Now say this aloud so you can hear yourself say it: “Self-care is a priority, not a luxury!”

Joelle Lim is mother to a 9-year-old son. She works as an early childhood educator and enjoys baking and running in her free time.

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