Once I had my third child, it became a regular occurrence to have other parents asking me, “How do you do it?” They are often surprised we survive without any live-in help.

The first thing I always say is, it’s actually easier to have more children.

All my kids are spaced about three years apart. That meant that by the time I had my third-born, I had two other little helpers to fetch things for me. The older two spend most of the time playing (and fighting) with each other, so I don’t have to constantly entertain them.

The early days were much easier with the third-born than it was when number two was a newborn.

The next most important thing that I would say is that I’ve made a lot of sacrifices to be here. Whenever people say I’m a “super mum”, I joke that I’m actually a “super tired mum”.

This is how our household is structured: My hubby works full time, five days a week. I work part-time, about 3 hours a day, at night after the kids go to bed.

We recently hired a weekly part-time cleaner. I do most of the mothering – night feeds, diaper changes, meal prep and organisation. My hubby also chips in with the baby care and housework.

CAREER DOWNGRADE, MOTHERING UPGRADE

When my eldest was 9 months old, I made the switch from full-time to part-time.

Downgrading my career was one of the best decisions of my life, although on difficult days, I find myself threatening to “throw in the towel” and go back to full-time work. I’ve sacrificed my career, the bulk of my paycheck, status, getting to dress up, proper adult conversation...

But in return, I’ve caught every one of my children’s milestones. My kids know my expectations and toe the line. If they are well behaved, it’s probably because I’ve spent the time disciplining and molding them.

The eldest is self-motivated, independent and responsible for her own schoolwork with hardly any input from me (or perhaps I’m just pure lucky). My kids offer to mop the floor, wash the dishes and pick up after themselves without constant nagging.

They do not have chores scheduled yet, but know how to fold the clothes and do other housework, and carry them out willingly if tasked.

I get to spend time doing enrichment with them at home, such as learning to play the piano, playing fun games (actually disguising serious academics), or just sharing silly, happy days or moments with them.

Most importantly, since children spell love as "T-I-M-E", the quality and quantity time they have with me as their main caregiver provides them a nurturing environment in which to blossom. I am able to impart my value system as the person who spends the most time with them.

KIDS NEED YOU MORE THAN NEW TOYS

Kids don’t need more things or entertainment. What they need is our time and love.

I am constantly fending off toys that so many bless our children with, and am constantly giving their toys away. Less is more when it comes to kids. Having less opens up room for them to create, not consume.

The only things I’d like them to have is more physical space to roam and time to daydream. This is a battle that I fight daily, parenting my kids in this stressful, academic-driven environment.

SAVE MONEY WHERE YOU CAN

Cutting back on work means that I try to scrimp and save every cent. That’s how I started upcycling and finding low-cost ways to entertain my kids.

By now, my kids are really content playing and creating with cardboard. No need for fancy toys – although I still spoil them during Christmas and birthdays!

We welcome hand-me-down clothes, toys and books with open arms. I’ve not had to buy a single garment for my third-born, and hardly buy clothes for the other two, thanks to very generous friends and family around me.

In return, I pay it forward by blessing the next mum.

With whatever we have, we have attempted to be generous towards others. We are content and lack nothing.

EVERY FAMILY MEMBER CAN HELP

In our home, we don’t wait on the children hand and foot. Each member can serve the others, but we as parents lead as servants-in-chief. Yes, my hubby scrubs the toilet bowl.

By this philosophy, we prefer not to hire a live-in domestic helper. Besides valuing our privacy, we think it is healthy for children to see us doing the dirty work, to help them realise that the tedious and mundane are part of ordinary life.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH...

I’m a really normal parent. There have been times where I’ve curled up on the couch crying, raged at my kids over small stuff, burnt the pot, caught vomit with my hands, been pooped on, puked on.... you name it, I’ve probably experienced it.

Recently, my third-born had a fever and woke 20 times during the night. He kept crying until I carried, rocked and walked him around the house before he fell back to sleep.

Before, I used to think it was pure suffering and groaning, but by now, I go through these without feeling anything much, knowing that “this too shall pass”. I call it “parenting skills honed through fire”.

After three pregnancies and childbirths, and eight years of almost non-stop breastfeeding and parenting, I’m ready to hand out tissues, flowers, gift cards, or hugs to the next mum I meet.

I know you need it.

Sophia Huang is a mother of three, copy editor and children’s book author. She believes that children learn best through play and should spend as much time as possible outdoors. She is passionate about upcycling trash into toys for children and records her journey at Nature Playtime and Craftcycle For Kids on Facebook and Instagram.

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